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Paramedic Nat

A Blog About a Paramedic's Mental Health Journey

Month

June 2019

Let Me

In lieu of all expectations, let me be of help to you.

Together

We matter to each other. We are social beings longing for connection. The power of connectivity gives us purpose. We feel strong when we are not going-it alone. Heat and hostility can be cooled and soothed when we join together. Anger can be turned into hope and dedication. Let’s face it, when we leave somewhere, we want to be missed and hoped to return. Finding our best judgement can be better attained when we listen to all opinions and concerns. When we do things together, with patience, happiness is our destiny. Equality equals endless opportunity for all. Sincerely I tell you, together we can change the world. 

A Colourful Life

I lived in the dark for so long. My view, covered with a veil of depression, used to only see black and white. I craved and prayed to be able to see the colours of this world again; like through the eyes of a child. But for so long I isolated away from the light; alone, and cold. Depression and PTSD made vibrancy non-existent. And I was sure that’s how it would stay forever.

It’s taken some time, and a lot of work, but now I see the reds, blues and yellows of this vibrant world. I see hope and happiness and love – finally. Does darkness come creeping back into my life sometimes? – Yes. But I keep days of colour like today in my back pocket, like a tattered pictured of a loved one that you cherish, ready and waiting to remind me that I will one day see a small beam of light through the cracked fortress of sadness.

I’m no longer blinded by PTSD. I’m thriving in my new purposeful life. I still wear my earplugs to keep my amygdala at bay, but generally speaking I am overall symptom free. Recovery is possible if you choose a path filled with colour. Purples, oranges and greens will fill you with joy when you are able to open your eyes.

Today I danced in the sunshine with my daughter. We laughed and sang and ate good food. We celebrated spring and all of the newness it represents. We became colourful humans – and for once, I felt colourful both inside and out.

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