Why did I relapse? I stopped taking care of me; plain and …well not so simple. I stopped doing the work my recovery requires of me to continue it. I was at a meeting tonight and I was sharing with a friend whom I haven’t seen in a while about how disappointed I am in myself and my illness/injury. She looked at me and said, “Natalie, if you had diabetes and didn‘t take care of yourself for months, you would get sick from that too”. So true.
After being elected as City Councillor, I dove into the role to be the best I could be. No topic/crisis was too big that I didn’t want to tackle (and still do). I was FINALLY employed again and feeling like I was contributing to society and helping my community. But alas, in typical Natalie fashion, I focused so entirely on my new role, that I forgot that I am still sick/injured – and that that’s ok. I forgot that I still need to do the work I have learned to do through treatment programs. I stopped going to meetings, stopped seeing my psychologist, stopped eating healthy, stopped meditating, stopped going to the Buddhist Centre…and on and on. So no wonder I gained 20 pounds, caused my hormones to go all over the place, let my depression creep back in again (it’s a sneaky bugger), and had a massive relapse that led me to the hospital. NO. WONDER.
Life is a series of evolutions. At one point I evolved and let go of the paramedic dream I had; it was time to move on from that. I learned how to not see that as my identity anymore. But what I failed to do at the same time is learn that ALL of me is new during this new evolution in my life. Being sick/injured doesn’t mean that I can‘t be successful and healthy. But it does mean that what ‘success’ and ‘health‘ are to me are different now – and that’s ok. One day at a time.
September 4, 2019 at 10:38 PM
Natalie try not to beat yourself up. You are an amazing lady who has helped so many and anyone who knows you will agree. Its in your nature to help others and that’s why it’s so hard to put the focus on you at times. Always remember your friend love you for who you are.
September 4, 2019 at 10:58 PM
Love you always! Thank you xoxo
September 4, 2019 at 11:55 PM
Thank you so much! I needed this tonight!
September 4, 2019 at 11:58 PM
You just described me the last 2 1/2 mos, from the first job after yrs of disability, to the 20lb weight gain. We can do this! So true, not by skipping all the aspects of self care. Thrilled to “see” you again sweet friend! I’m proud of you! Huge progress, while staying real! Sending love- JiminyB
September 5, 2019 at 4:24 PM
You are a strong independent , beautiful women whom is still a paramedic with all the knowledge skill and judgement you once had. However now you are healing , evolving and developing more knowledge, skill and judgement , do not forget you are a whole person , past , present and future.
I am very proud you took a moment to remember in whatever role you are helping people unless you take care of you first body, mind and spirit then you will run out of power to help others in your new exciting role.
I was once recommended a book by a very wonderful person that was very insightful.
“Disease to please” and “ There is nothing wrong with you”
Be Well, Be proud.
Sherry Collett RN , ENPC, CNCC, Flight Nurse ….
But the acronyms after our names don’t identify us .
Your ❤️ Does 🙏🌈
September 6, 2019 at 12:09 PM
Thank you so much!
September 6, 2019 at 6:41 PM
September 5, 2019 at 5:02 PM
Keep going back. It works if you work it. And omg it took me years to get it. Good luck. Look after yourself so that you can look after others.
September 9, 2019 at 9:39 AM
Again, Nat, you hit this one out of the park, talking about issues that have been going through my mind if late as well. Thanks for sharing.
September 13, 2019 at 1:40 PM